Mann Mera

My friends introduced me to this song and frankly telling it was a bad idea to listen to this.
I spent my half of the year planning that I'd start fresh in the new year, I never thought that my new year blog will start with this

You bind your heart in iron chain and put it in the coffin,
Then with the same hands which once held her hand you nail the last nail.
So, that the next time when you wake, you wake in a world, where your decisions are made by your brain (and not by your heart).
So, that the next time you go to the seas, you sail an easy sail.

You think you got over her by writing a Good Bye letter and doing what you thought was necessary

But that 'crazy son of a bitch' still beats in there,
It beats in there with burning love and melts the iron chain.
The chain melts but you're assured that the coffin won't break (for it is buried deep beneath the ground).

What you forget is that all it needs is a little flare.

Then one day, a spark comes, in some crazy form.
It can be a song that describes your love,
It can be an act of simple kindness,
Or, it can be all of the above.

Then with the same arrow that once pierced that heart, it fights all the nail.
With the same strength, it once did love, it breaks the wooden shell.

And comes out drippin' with Blood,
it comes out drippin' with Love

It comes out as tears in your eyes.



This song brought back the days



Mann Mera by Gajnedra Verma

Bed Time Scribbling - I

Sometimes, God doesn't want two people to be together. If you're an atheist, replace God by Nature. (If you're like Lily and Marshall, replace God by Universe).

This doesn't mean that there is wrong with either of the people but may be it's that the higher power knows that when these two wonderful people spend enough time together, either or both of them may loose their wonderfulness.
(On a lighter note, it is said that, "a love story ENDS with marriage". So, why end something that's wonderful.)

Sometimes, people get this as a reply when they approach certain someone, "We are friends but I'm no ready for it". You don't need to lower your self esteem and confidence after hearing this. My advise would be to stick to that person. As you have already lost your awkwardness by approaching first, stick to them and at every instant, show him/her what he/she's loosing by not having you.

Many of us doesn't know what we want but this is for sure that everyone wants to be less worried when it comes to personal domain. Some are risk takers and embrace challenges but what they appreciate is Business Risks, Marketing Challenges, Challenges in their research area but believe me no wants risks and challenges when it comes to personal sphere.
Everyone wants a happy go go life in this department and it is a prerequisite to a happy life.

Isliye, there's no need to get disheartened for very long when things don't work out. You don't need to carry your discontentment and disappointment to your grave. It was never a challenge so why keep working on it.

And always, try not to involve work with your personal affairs.
Your boss doesn't care about your break up. All he cares is that no one hits on his secretary except he himself and your colleagues might be just happy to hear after all they got a new company to escort them to bar every night.

So, wipe your tears with your sleeves as if they were beads of sweat and continue excelling in your work for it is the only legacy that you leave behind.

And apart from work whenever you get time, meet new people
and Yes,
Love can happen Twice. :)

Loose Sheets Vs. Notebook

As soon as I came to college, I began a new life; I wanted to amend a few things and I did. Out of all the amendment acts bestowed by me, one of them was writing on loose sheets and plain paper. Although, I gave plain paper, an approval after I started writing neat and straight without much of the deviation on the abscissa from the point where the word started to the point where the word ended. But eventually, I gave green signal to the plain paper, influenced not only by my recently acquired excellence in writing those days but also by the fact that plain paper was the only loose sheet that was available in the campus. Considering loose sheets were my priority, graph papers were also an option but isn't it obvious why I ruled it out?

Now the reason why I thought of loose sheets in the first place; I wanted to explore things to it's maximum depth and writing loose fuels that, in a way, that you can always keep adding your notes but notebook confines things. After all, you can skip to a different topic leaving a certain number of pages only. But when it comes to being loose, you can easily skip infinite pages.

The second is a very funny one. Many a times when I write, I loose enthusiasm in the middle of it. Something else tends to grapple my attention, resulting in an unmotivated piece of writing that would repulse anyone. The choice that I made makes sure that I add only the motivated writings and nothing else.

Ultimately, I dropped the idea of writing in Notebooks. But now after an year and a half, I'm thinking that may be, maybe writing in notebooks isn't bad after all.
Arranging everything chronologically is also a very good way of arranging things. Plus, it also saves a lot of effort which I put into managing loose sheets.

So, I finally, I'm making up my mind once again.
Academics- Loose Sheets (No Strings Attached)
Everything Else- The Notebook

Loose Sheets Vs. Notebook

So, basically what I did was I glued this Forever Heart

So, I reconnected with her. And let me tell you straight. It was no big deal, it was not an affair full of surprises but a very obvious and silent affair, not literally because it was Diwali a day before and everything was so full of noises specially Mukesh bursting crackers long after everyone went to their respective rooms except Bhanu who was still persuading me to sleep with him.

I called her up after a gap of four months. It took time to dial in the digits because last time when I got acquainted with that ugly phase, I deleted her number. 
 [but wait I shouldn't call that incident an ugly phase coz as far as I can remember the following day, it is the only day which I spent in a very routined way, morning breakfast, attending all the classes and issuing books from the library and going to bed right after dinner]
and I had to look into previous files and folders to look for her number. I called her up but all I heard was a busy tone and then I tried about for three times straight but the same thing happened.
And then after waiting for 10 to 15 mins, I called her again and this time she was on the other end.

The network was fucked up and hence our conversation was small, really really small but it was relaxing. It was like I was carrying this huge burden on my back and I disposed off all that encumbrance today.
I can't be angry with a person for too long as I figure out soon enough that whatever situation arises, there is some contribution of me too. The sooner I figure out, the quicker my anger sublimes. Therefore, though I talked to her today but that doesn't mean that I was angry all the way long. In fact I spitted out all the frustration and craziness right after two or three days and in these months, I even wished for her well being during every festival we came across. But I was abstaining myself from talking mainly because of two reasons. Firstly, I was looking for a beautiful just like a stereotypical Indian, waiting for a muhurt. :P. And secondly, I was testing myself that whether or not I can conquer myself. During the past one year, she became my habit and right after all these things happened, the initial days were very difficult and that was the prime reason, why I had to delete her digits. "Na rahega baans na bajegi bansuri". Since, I was trying to get away from her, my messaging habit got dull. But after about a month, everything became fine. I was no longer a love lorn. I got steering in my hands and now when I'm sure that I won't loose control, giving ride to person won't prove to be my doom rather it'd be a friendly gesture.

"Jinki manzille ek hoti hai, wo aksar raastein mein hi milte hai"

Why do I write here?

We live in a world where anyone can be a reporter anytime? Log in to twitter and you're a pigeon delivering messages and news.

We live in a world where anyone of us can be poets? Modern poems hardly need a rhyme scheme or a literary device. So, log in to poemhunter.com and congratulations you're one among the poets.

As a matter of fact, one can even be a novelist. Write your success story or if you failed, write your failure story and who knows. They can be the best sellers of tomorrow.

And here I am, wanting to be all of them but still stuck in my routinely affairs.

One of the prime reasons, Why I write here on Blogger is that my family and friends hardly know that I exist here.

I like to talk to people. I like to socialize. But very often almost all the time when I get into a conversation, I offend people. Although, I never mean to but it happens.

So, blogger is quite a nice place for me right now. I can write my mind here letting myself convinced that some way or the other, I'm socializing and since, hardly anyone knows of my presence here, it guarantees that no one is offended by me.

A perfect place for people like me.

Happy B'day Mummy

I remained awake for yet one more night defying what you scolded me for. This time I convinced myself by saying that "the 12 o' clock, go to bed rule was applicable only at home."

And as I made through the night eating the snacks you prepared for me, I witnessed a beautiful morning. It's 6AM and the clouds are still crowning the hills and seeing the density of the cloud, I think they'll stay for at least half an hour. But then you can't make any certain assumption about Guwahati's weather. It's her free will. She'll have whatever weather she wants. Just a day back, when I came out of the CAD lab, the rain and thunderstorms were so loud that it flooded almost whole of the campus. It reminded me of my dead cellphone. :( It was almost the similar rain, when my phone gave up last year.

On a Normal Day

During the Rain

This time I was very particular and I saved three phones that day. :D
You see I'm learning. Why do you always say that I don't learn from my mistakes?




I cleaned the curtain today. It was hanging in the same way for more than a year. And I came across a wonderful thing. The best way to dry the curtain is to hang them on the windows itself.  There's a thing worth noticing when it comes to curtains. No matter whether you leave them hanging or wash them, they don't look dirty neither they do look clean. I don't know why do they look this way. But yeah I can notice the refreshing smell of detergent coming from them. I guess that is one prime reason why we wash curtains.

Sorry mummy for hanging up.
Balance khatam ho gaya tha .
I'll call you in the morning.

And by the way it's still raining and it's reminding me of you and I love the way how you extend the phone conversation by asking about things you have asked about a few minutes before.

Love you Mummy.
<3

[ I know this is very unnatural birthday wish anyone would have received. People get better wishes from strangers, let alone I'm your son. You already know how much you mean to me and there's no repeating it and the words fall too short for it. That's why I wrote something which we normally talk about. Just like a regular day. I'm gonna make you feel like it's birthday, everyday]

The Woman III

It is my Mom's birthday.
It's raining outside.
The weekend is about to start from tomorrow.

I don't think there can be any better day to break up with you. I know you broke up a month ago and but I didn't. I still had you in my mind. I really think there should be some ground rules for breaking up. It should be like divorce. I mean both the people should sign the document at the same time. Well here after a month and a half, I'm giving up on you.
You might think why I am I doing this all of a sudden. Well, I have been tracing back to how it all started in the first place and I came to a conclusion, it was never you, but the idea of being in Love in a long distance is what I loved. I had fantasies about it and I even told you this thing once.

"Just think of it, we haven't meet a single time and we'll be meeting for the first time after knowing each other for an year and then year after year we'll meet like this. All of it feels like some fairy tale".
But you know this is not the age of fairies but it's an age of Bitches. In no way I'm disrespecting, I;m just writing about the general thing that's happening with people these days with some instances that may be private. Whooo! I'm not taking names.

It wasn't your fault either. I don't recall a single time when you advanced [i think that's the right word]. You never let your guard down.

So, here I am signing in for a new journey.
Wish me luck only if you have good thoughts in mind.

Good Bye!!